Westside Nightmare or the B train doesn't exst.

After you've lived in Manhattan for a while it becomes painfully clear that the commute from the east side to the west side is a nightmare. In fact I avoid making friends with people who live on the west side because of this phenomena. On the surface it looks like a no brainer, what's the big deal? But ,when you actually have to move yourself vertically as opposed to horizontally in NYC believe me ...shit happens.

My mission this week was to got Macy's see the decorations and take a walk through the Manhattan mall and check out the holiday buzz. Saturday finally came and my friend P and I decided to take on this venture. Macy's is on the west side, which means we had to take a crosstown bus which we caught on 86th and York over to the West side to catch the number C train down to 34th street. Everything went smoothly for this part of the journey, the buses ran well the subway crowded zipped up right downtown. I briefly mentioned to P that I knew how to get down to Macy's but that I didn't know how to get home.

I've taken this trip about a dozen times and whenever I've tried to get home the problems started. One time in sheer desperation, I took the F train all the way to 135th streeet. In my mind ,if you take the "C" train downtown then you simply catch the C train to go uptown. Sadly, it does not work this way.

P and I got off at 34th and 8th, walked a long cold block to Macy's where a giant balloon Shreck
beckoned up from the top of the block large department store. As we approach the store the crowds began to thicken and my friend P started to get antsy. He really freaked out when I dragged him into the store and we stood shoulder to shoulder with thousands of people. The idea was to walk straight through the ground floor to reach the doors on the other side of the street. I wanted to mull but my boyfriend made a straight beeline to the exit. I made a note to myself; do not bring a man Xmas shopping.

After an entire ten minutes in Macy's we finally reached 34th and 7th bolted out the doors, make a quick right, and headed to the Manhattan mall. We walked straight in and my friend suggested we hit the food court. I like the idea of food courts but when I actually get there it's impossible for me to make a decision because there's just too many choices and my brain freezes.

My friend chose some fries from Chicken Ranch which we picked at for a moment when all of a sudden this random woman sat down uninvited at our table . She began shoving large quantities of food into her mouth accompanied by belches that came from deep within her belly and smelt like puke.

At that point the experience of the Xmas buss lost all appeal. The energy was just to kinetic for us and we decided to go home. We figured that we'd just hop on the same train to go uptown that we took downtown. A foolish idea that was simply not to be.

When we entered the subway it became quite clear there was no C train. There was the F but I remembered that got me totally lost in the Bronx. The F train was bad I would not take the F train- ever.

The one train I recognized was the "B". I was a little unsure reeling from post traumatic subway syndrome. I knew this "B' train. It was the perfect train for me and would take me right to 86th street where I needed to go. The problem was the last time I waited for the B it never came. D trains came and went on the same track, but the B train well it never came. I expressed this to my friend who just laughed me off saying, "It says the B train stops here"...So we waited, a D train came and went, we waited another D train. We waited so long that I became fully convinced that no B train exists. A cruel subway joke. I began to get suspicious. Sure,I read the signs that claim it exists but in reality I've never seen the train. I've waited for the train. I've waited hours for the train but I've never ever seen the actual train.

Finally, with weakening nerves and desperate faces we asked someone for help. "Take the D train", he said, "get off at 59th and transfer to the "C".
The plan sounded good so we caught the next "D" train the fourth D train on a track that promised a B train. Sadly, we mistakenly got off on 53rd street where we begged an attendant to get us out of the tombs we'd been exploring for the last hour and a half.

We had no choice but to get back on another D train- no B train ever came and I doubt ever will. We got off on 59th street, caught the C train and finally got to 86th were we were finally released into the outside air. We had made a journey in which we spent a totally of 15 minutes downtown and two hours travelling time which made me think that I could have gone to the Hamptons and back ..once again proving what I already knew. Do not move vertically in Manhattan.

That night I prayed: Dear God, please make the east side, west side commute less painful.
Love k