I got up late today so I missed the special Sunday service at my church. I found myself more relieved than concerned and I have come to admit to myself that this can be a very difficult time of year for me . My mind cannot help but wondering to my family. My mother could be alive or dead and my brothers wouldn't even have the courtesy to call me. When my father passed they kept it from his sister for months just in case she got wind that he left her a little something. There is really no reasoning for this behaviour but it is consistent in all three brothers-Gregory, Michael and John. The sicker part is that I grew up with many of the wives of these three brothers and the idea that their own wives would encourage some sort of communication with me is really sickening. I wonder what they tell their children about their "missing aunt". I shutter to think.
So this year I missed all the pre Xmas Church celebrations because I simply did not feel strong enough to be reminded of the chasm of dysfunction that separates me of my own family. Instead I took a Body Sculpt class at the New York Health and Racket Club, ( an adult gym) after which I caught the very small service six' o'clock service at the church.
Usually I don't like to go to the gym on the weekend simply due to the fact that parents bring their kids for swimming lessons and it disturbs me greatly to find a six year old boy or girl staring at my naked body in the locker room. I simply don't get why parents would allow this. That's what the YMCA is for, kids why expose them to naked strangers at an adult gym. Aren't they concerned about pedophiles?
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