Well we've finally arrived at Noah and the flood. The message here is that God is pissed, and remorseful about creating us in the first place. It turns out human beings are a murderous and violent lot and God wants to wipe us out. Woman may have eaten the fruit but it's the male population that brings violence.
God does however find favour with a guy named Noah who is described as "righteous, blameless among the people of his time and he walked with God". 6:9.
(I owe a lot to Noah, he saved my butt).
God tells Noah to take two of every animal and gives him very specific instructions on how to build an arch. Noah was 600 years old when the flood came. What? Yes. That's 600 years old.
A couple of things to note here. Man's relationship with the animal kingdom changes. Not only do animals now fear man but human beings begin to eat meat. God also decrees that man will be mortal and his days will be numbered, up to 120 years! The world has changed.
I'm a little puzzled here. How did we get to a point where our average age is only around 80?
Anyway, the flood lasts for forty days. That the same amount of days that Lent lasts, so I figure it's a good lotto number. In fact there are lots of numbers in Genesis 7, who knew?
Next comes a very poetic part that I like very much. Noah sends out a dove who returns to the arch, he waits seven more days and sends out the dove who returns with an olive branch. I think that's where we get the idea of extending an olive branch as a show of friendship and reconciliation.
The great part is that God promises never to flood the earth again. Obviously he feels some remorse, after all we are a charming and entertaining bunch. And to seal the deal he says" whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth ." 9:15.
As I read this the rainbow which is so beautiful and hopeful takes on a new meaning for me and I hope I see one soon. It's been a long time since I've seen a rainbow in the sky.
When is the last time you've seen a rainbow?
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Week 6, Reading
This week the required reading is Genesis chapters 6:9-9. That's the story of Noah and the flood!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
At Church on Sun. Feb 22/09 Part C
Horace White who is the most amazing Deacon I know and the only Deacon I know and is totally approachable read the Gospel according to Mark 9:2-9. The theme here as far as I understand it is transfiguration. That's when God snatches you up to heaven, bing, bang, body and all.
Jesus takes Peter, James and John and leads them to a high mountain where "his clothes became dazzling white, such as no one on earth could bleach them. 9:3.
Then, low and behold Moses and Elijah appear and start talking with Jesus. This leads me to believe that this transfiguration is not like the death we experience, but somehow when one is transfigured one can come back to earth in human form. This makes me think that transfiguration is something special bestowed on one from God. And... it's really rare so I won't get my hopes up.
Moses and Elijah disappear and Jesus instructs Peter, James and John not to speak of this until he has risen from the dead.
At this point Jesus has already told his followers that his will die and be betrayed.
How do you feel about the transfiguration thing?
Jesus takes Peter, James and John and leads them to a high mountain where "his clothes became dazzling white, such as no one on earth could bleach them. 9:3.
Then, low and behold Moses and Elijah appear and start talking with Jesus. This leads me to believe that this transfiguration is not like the death we experience, but somehow when one is transfigured one can come back to earth in human form. This makes me think that transfiguration is something special bestowed on one from God. And... it's really rare so I won't get my hopes up.
Moses and Elijah disappear and Jesus instructs Peter, James and John not to speak of this until he has risen from the dead.
At this point Jesus has already told his followers that his will die and be betrayed.
How do you feel about the transfiguration thing?
At Church on Sun. Feb 22/09 Part B
L.N. was the second reader who read from 2 Corinthians 4:3-6 which is in the New Testament. This is as I mentioned last week is part of the letters that Paul wrote to the people of Corinth.
I've got to admit here I was a bit taken back and a little uncomfortable. Paul says that,"Even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep then from seeing the light of the gospel, the glory of Christ 2 4:3."
I must admit this has not been my experience with God. My eyes were completely blinded but it was me who wore the blinders. And when I was finally able to peek out from under my darkness the light of God shone so brightly that it pushed any blinder I might have left away. God, as I have experienced him did not keep his light from me. That was my doing.
So... if you have comments... please I'd like to hear them.
I've got to admit here I was a bit taken back and a little uncomfortable. Paul says that,"Even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep then from seeing the light of the gospel, the glory of Christ 2 4:3."
I must admit this has not been my experience with God. My eyes were completely blinded but it was me who wore the blinders. And when I was finally able to peek out from under my darkness the light of God shone so brightly that it pushed any blinder I might have left away. God, as I have experienced him did not keep his light from me. That was my doing.
So... if you have comments... please I'd like to hear them.
At Church on Sun. Feb 22/09 Part A
Today, we first read from the Old Testament from 2 Kings 2:1-12. Kings 1 and 2 are actually one literary work divided up later by translators. The author remains in question. S.N. read from 2 Kings 2: 1-12 which talks of the ministry of Elijah. In this section Elijah and his son Elisha are on their way from the town of Gilgal and take a detour toward Bethel where they are met by a group of fifty prophets. The prophets repeat Elijah's fate which awaits him reinforcing the fact that Elijah was an important figure.
Apparently, as Elijah has explained to his son the time has come for the LORD to take him away, But Elijah must keep moving and although at every stage of his journey he tells his son to stay his son will not leave his side.
The fifty prophets follow Elijah to the river Jordan when Elijah take "his mantle,"strikes the water, "the water was parted to the one side and to the other, until the two of them crossed on dry ground. 2:14.
I thought this part was interesting because I was under the impression that Moses was the only one who parted water. I guess if you part water you're a big dude in God's eyes.
The great part here is that the LORD comes down in blazes to get Elijah. He's taken in chariot of fire, with horses into a whirlwind and up to heaven. I hope that happens to me.
I'm in the dark here because I don't know if this event can be referred to as a transfiguration or if this foreshadows what will happen to Christ minus the chariot and fire?
Apparently, as Elijah has explained to his son the time has come for the LORD to take him away, But Elijah must keep moving and although at every stage of his journey he tells his son to stay his son will not leave his side.
The fifty prophets follow Elijah to the river Jordan when Elijah take "his mantle,"strikes the water, "the water was parted to the one side and to the other, until the two of them crossed on dry ground. 2:14.
I thought this part was interesting because I was under the impression that Moses was the only one who parted water. I guess if you part water you're a big dude in God's eyes.
The great part here is that the LORD comes down in blazes to get Elijah. He's taken in chariot of fire, with horses into a whirlwind and up to heaven. I hope that happens to me.
I'm in the dark here because I don't know if this event can be referred to as a transfiguration or if this foreshadows what will happen to Christ minus the chariot and fire?
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Week 5 Cain and Abel Part A
The thing I like best about the story of Cain and able is that the active participants in man's foray into committing the sin of murder is that women are NOT a part of the picture. Seems that the murderous blood lust inflicted on the human species came from MAN.
The only thing Eve does is give birth to Cain her firstborn and then Abel. This whole disaster starts over a sacrifice that the brothers gave to God. I'm not sure when man got the idea that God would like a sacrifice but apparently he did. In fact her preferred the sacrifice that Abel made, "and the Lord looked with favour of Abel and his offering."4:5.
Cain on the other hand brought fruits and vegetables from his field. This is the first time after the fall that man becomes a meat eater and with that blood lust follows.
Again another argument for the Vegan crowd.
By favouring one brother over the other the stage is set. Will man sin? Will he resist? It seems that not even God knows the answer but he gives man the free-will to find out with dire consequences.
In a fit of jealousy Cain kills Abel... Which probably inspired God to write the sixth commandment " You shall not murder"Deuteronomy 5:17.
But don't forget the commandments were not revealed to man yet so Cain was acting out his bottom nature which in this case was to kill.
The important idea here is that Cain choose to kill. God has come to a point in his relationship with man that he has allowed for free will to exist. So we can't wine anymore about why did God make this happen, why didn't God stop that because man is exercising his right to act on his own.
The only thing Eve does is give birth to Cain her firstborn and then Abel. This whole disaster starts over a sacrifice that the brothers gave to God. I'm not sure when man got the idea that God would like a sacrifice but apparently he did. In fact her preferred the sacrifice that Abel made, "and the Lord looked with favour of Abel and his offering."4:5.
Cain on the other hand brought fruits and vegetables from his field. This is the first time after the fall that man becomes a meat eater and with that blood lust follows.
Again another argument for the Vegan crowd.
By favouring one brother over the other the stage is set. Will man sin? Will he resist? It seems that not even God knows the answer but he gives man the free-will to find out with dire consequences.
In a fit of jealousy Cain kills Abel... Which probably inspired God to write the sixth commandment " You shall not murder"Deuteronomy 5:17.
But don't forget the commandments were not revealed to man yet so Cain was acting out his bottom nature which in this case was to kill.
The important idea here is that Cain choose to kill. God has come to a point in his relationship with man that he has allowed for free will to exist. So we can't wine anymore about why did God make this happen, why didn't God stop that because man is exercising his right to act on his own.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
At Church on Sunday Feb 15/08 Part C
The second reading this week from the New Testament was The Gospel Mark 1:40-45, the earliest gospel. Mark likes to talk about healings, evil spirits, demonology and divorce. In the passage we read today he describes Jesus healing a leper. The thing that struck me about this passage was the faith that the leper had in Jesus. He says "If you choose, you can make me clean". He doesn't say if you want, or please make me clean. He gives that choice of whether or not he can be healed over to Jesus.
Then I got to thinking. I have stuff going on in my life that is a timing issue. I have to get payments in on time and I afraid that if I'm late I'll have problems. And I've been praying " please God let this happen on this day and on this time".
When I heard those words from the leper, "Jesus you choose". I thought for a moment. What am I asking? What am I doing? Why am I frantic? Why do I worry? Yes I believe like the leper that all can be erased in a moment and it's no big secret what I wanted. But, I was not factoring in the wisdom of God. There is nothing that God has ever done in my life that was not perfectly timed for lessons to be learned. This timing thing that was bothering me was just me living in my material world- selfishly.
So I changed my prayer and said. "God, whenever you're ready I trust your timing this is your choice and only my material desire. I'm sorry I bugged out". Immediately, I felt better I felt all that worry and anxiety lifted and I hope it lasts. I have tendency to vacillate.
However, in all fairness I have found in my brief experience with God that when it comes to the timing of the things in my life I can only see as far as my hand. It's God I must trust to see the bigger picture and guide me- that's the key for me, trust issues.
How do you pray when you ask something of God?
Then I got to thinking. I have stuff going on in my life that is a timing issue. I have to get payments in on time and I afraid that if I'm late I'll have problems. And I've been praying " please God let this happen on this day and on this time".
When I heard those words from the leper, "Jesus you choose". I thought for a moment. What am I asking? What am I doing? Why am I frantic? Why do I worry? Yes I believe like the leper that all can be erased in a moment and it's no big secret what I wanted. But, I was not factoring in the wisdom of God. There is nothing that God has ever done in my life that was not perfectly timed for lessons to be learned. This timing thing that was bothering me was just me living in my material world- selfishly.
So I changed my prayer and said. "God, whenever you're ready I trust your timing this is your choice and only my material desire. I'm sorry I bugged out". Immediately, I felt better I felt all that worry and anxiety lifted and I hope it lasts. I have tendency to vacillate.
However, in all fairness I have found in my brief experience with God that when it comes to the timing of the things in my life I can only see as far as my hand. It's God I must trust to see the bigger picture and guide me- that's the key for me, trust issues.
How do you pray when you ask something of God?
At Church on Sunday Feb 15/09 Part B
The six o'clock service is a bit shorter but we still read two passages. Tonight we read from 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 in the New Testament. The apostle Paul ( one of Jesus' followers) is the author of this section which are essentially letters that he wrote to the Corinthians a people who lived in Corinth. a thriving city a dominant commercial center ( like New York) as early as the 8th Century B.C. Paul was concerned about the problems that the church was having here and wrote these letters to help sort things out.
In Corinthians 9:24-27, as Andrew Mullins pointed out to me Paul draws a parallel between the preparations that a professional athlete must endure, both physically and mentally to secure a "material prize" and the spiritual preparations required to secure one's faith. I love the part that says ,"So I do not run aimlessly, not do I box as though bearing the air; but I punish my body and enslave it, so that after proclaiming to other I myself should not be disqualified".
Paul is talking about the self discipline that is required as part of one's faith and that really struck me. I didn't just knell and pray and attend services. I joined bible class, I applied myself, I thought about the relationship I wanted with God and I think I'll forever continue to do so. Faith for me was something I had to work at and I think this is what Paul is getting at. Believing is one thing but being an active participant in faith is quite another.
How can you participate in your faith this week?
In Corinthians 9:24-27, as Andrew Mullins pointed out to me Paul draws a parallel between the preparations that a professional athlete must endure, both physically and mentally to secure a "material prize" and the spiritual preparations required to secure one's faith. I love the part that says ,"So I do not run aimlessly, not do I box as though bearing the air; but I punish my body and enslave it, so that after proclaiming to other I myself should not be disqualified".
Paul is talking about the self discipline that is required as part of one's faith and that really struck me. I didn't just knell and pray and attend services. I joined bible class, I applied myself, I thought about the relationship I wanted with God and I think I'll forever continue to do so. Faith for me was something I had to work at and I think this is what Paul is getting at. Believing is one thing but being an active participant in faith is quite another.
How can you participate in your faith this week?
At Church on Sunday Feb, 15/09 Part A
This Sunday I went to the six o'clock service at my church the Church of the Epiphany on 74th and York in Manhattan. I said it before and I'll say it again this is a SPECIAL place it's a place where I find God and a place where the prayer and service confirm and reaffirm my belief in God. As they say in business you can tell a company head from the receptionist. If she's great the boss will be great. These things trickle down from the top and it's no surprise that the Reverend Andrew Mullins has built an awesome ministry.
Since my priest Jennifer Linman is as big an a house awaiting the birth of her firstborn ( she usually hosts the six o'clock ) I was privileged to have Reverend Mullins take charge. There was also a guest priest in training George Baum present.
It's a small service usually five to ten people but it really packs a punch. And this way I don't feel so back if I miss the formal eleven o'clock.
Since my priest Jennifer Linman is as big an a house awaiting the birth of her firstborn ( she usually hosts the six o'clock ) I was privileged to have Reverend Mullins take charge. There was also a guest priest in training George Baum present.
It's a small service usually five to ten people but it really packs a punch. And this way I don't feel so back if I miss the formal eleven o'clock.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Week 5, Required Reading.
This week I'll be reading Genesis 4, the story of Cain and Able. We've got jealously, murder, intrigue, and banishment all the ugly things that God DID NOT create in Genesis 1. It seems that man, living in the material world void of spirit created these earthy errors.
Read on and see what you think.
Read on and see what you think.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
God and I Meet in Unusual Circumstances
Last night was Saturday and I set my alarm for 10:30. I was determined to get to church this week having missed it last Sunday. This was the third Sunday after my confirmation into the Episcopalian faith at the Church of the Epiphany on 74th and York in Manhattan.
I was especially jazzed because during the Christmas season known as Pentecost in my church things really get cooking. The church gets decorated, the choir starts to sing all kinds of Christmas songs, guest musicians play harps and horns. The atmosphere is festive as we all wait for the birth of Jesus.
The head priest Andrew makes a killer ham for coffee hour which becomes a plethora of tasty delights. If the angels had to pick a place they'd definitely hit here. It's also a time when I cry a lot during services. It's a time when I watch families coming to church together, sitting together, talking to together and I'm reminded of the cruelty of my own family and their desire to isolate me from the love that only a family can share.
I cry for myself and I also cry because I truly feel that this congregation has become my family. My new family is made up of Jennifer the gifted and hip female priest, Andrew the head enchilada, Horase the cannon (whose name is Mr White but who actually has very dark skin) ,and the regulars in the congregation who I've come to know and love. Th idea that there is actually a place for me blows my mind. With all the people and creatures that God tends in the world there is a place set apart just for me where I can pray and feel loved and be a part of something greater than myself.
This feeling alone has allowed me to overcome many of my issues of low self esteem cultivated by my biological family. Strangely, with all the therapy all the AA's and meds it's that feeling that God is my family that has given me pause before I take that first drink or smoke that first joint, or do that first line. I realized I used to prefer to alter my mind and my spirit but now that I can feel love again when I'm clean I do not feel a need to go to any other place then where I am.
Clearly, I was determined to attend this Sunday, but God had other plans for me. Little did I know that Christmas would come early for me...
Sunday morning came, my alarm sounded but I just couldn't raise myself and forgoing the tortuous snooze option I went back to bed. When I finally got up I realized that thanks to the progressive priesting of Jennifer, my church offered a Sunday service at 6:00 pm. It's called Sanctuary and we have a group of regular musicians, who play live music and help create a very hip environment in which to worship. After the service we have dinner together, talk, get to know one another. It's a cozy, intimate service which takes place in a small chapel, where the presence of the spirit is very strong.
At about 5:45, I made my way down the street. The chilly winter air kept at bay by my winter coast, mitts, hat and gloves I finally reached the church and opened the doors. Immediately Jennifer came up to me.
"I said", she began " that the next person through the door would help me"."Kay, we're having a baptism and I need your help".
Something in me stirred. I felt honored, proud, I was actually going to help in a sacred service. My help was being asked?
She brought me up to the baptismal cement vessel at the back of the church. She explained that this was the first baptism ever at Sanctuary and that there would be two children attending. I would be in charge of holding the book so she could read, I would then pass her the oil and then the candles during the service. The official church term for this job is acolyte.
After my brief instruction, I went to sit down to reflect on my new role when Jennifer called on me again. I was asked to by the chalice bearer. That's the term used for the person who holds the cup or chalice with the wine in it and offers it to the people after Jennifer gives then the cracker and says. "This is the blood of Christ the cup of Salvation". It was my job to guide the chalice to their lips, let them take a little sip, wipe the side of the cup and offer it to the next person. I could do that , simple right.
The baptism went smoothly but I stumbled when Jennifer asked..."Will you who witness these vows do all in your power to support these persons in their life in Christ?"
The congregation is supposed to answer "We will", but I faltered. I've been around a church enough to know now that some people come in for a baptism or a wedding or Christmas and never really come back or participate or get to know anyone. I had never met these parents of these children before and I questioned if I could really keep my promise to support them in their life with Christ if I never see them again? I figured I could promise to best of my ability but my promise felt weak.
The rest of the service was touching. The baby giggled as the water trickled down her face and her two year old brother ran drunkenly around the baptismal vessal. And there I was, me holding the book for Jennifer, handing her the oil and then the candles. I could barely hold back my tears. The idea that I not only belonged here but would asked to help in a service stuck a deep chord with me.
We retreated to the chapel where the Eucharist was to take place. This is the part where the priest takes these crackers that symbolize the boy of Christ and then they dip the cracker into the wine which symbolized the blood of Christ. It was my job to hold the chalice and utter the words. "This is the blood of Christ the body of salvation".
Over the two years I'd been with the church I'd heard those word before but I never spoke them and in fear I would forget I wrote down the phrase "this is the blood of Christ, the body of salvation."
Jennifer began to give our the crackers and I followed her. A member approached, I held the chalice in my right hand, an a little white cloth with which to wipe it in my left. I uttered the words and guided the chalice to the woman's lips. "Don't let go of the chalice'"Jennifer had told me and I grabbed on tight.
Such simple words such powerful meaning for me, my heart sung this was the greatest Christmas gift of all. Here I was found just two years ago, holding the sacred chalice and uttering sacred words, here I was helping to minister to the souls of others. Few moments could compete with those seconds in my life.
Another person approached. This time it was a woman dressed with white shirt and black pants. The grandmother of the kids being baptized.
I offered her the chalice and uttered the word. She grabbed the cup from me. I grabbed it back. She let go of the cup, and stood there waiting for me to tilt it and pour it into her mouth. Jennifer did not say anything about giving people a sip. They were supposed to bring the chalice to their lips. It said so, right in the manifesto. Guide chalice to lips.
It's not so easy to stand in front of a person with a big gold cup and tilt it forward away from myself and into their mouths so that they get a sip.
I tilted, she brought her head forward, I placed it in between her lips thinking she has way to much lipstick on. I tilted, I tilted again and then realized that there wasn't that much liquid in a really big cup I'd have to tilt some more. I tilted the cup parallel to her head. The wine poured out into her waiting mouth and all over her white blouse.
God must have been with me because the woman didn't notice she'd be taking the blood of Jesus back home with her that night. I tilted back, horrified. And uttered the words. "The blood of Christ the cup of salvation". Priests made this look way to easy.
The heel of my shoe caught on the steps of the alter leaving me teetering precariously between falling forward on the woman with the chalice in hand, or falling ass backwards into the pointsettas that covered the alter.
There I was balanced on my heel of my shoe on the tip of the step steadied only by the weight of the chalice that I clutched in my right hand. The last thing Jennifer said to me was," Don't let go of the chalice". I had therefore only one option. I would fall into the woman. I steadied my self looking the women straight in the eye. If she moved to the right or the left I'd tumble down the concrete steps. Would she catch me? My eyes widened the brief moment moving in slow motion she must have seen my fear, my teetering heel slipped, my left hand moved to grab the chalice. I accepted the fact I was going to fall but damn if that chalice was going to hit the floor.
The woman in front of me must have seen the fear in my eyes and she glanced down briefly at my feet she threw her arms out as I began to fall forward ,chalice and all. The wine defying gravity leapt out of the glass, the woman reached out to grab my shoulders . I clutched the chalice with two hands flinging myself, the chalice and the wine straight into her chest. Her once white blouse was now speckled red. There was a deafening silence. No one spoke a word as I stumbled back. Had they ever seen a chalice mishap before? The priests that do this at the regular service made it look much to easy. All the salt in the world was not going to get those wine stains off that blouse. Had I ruined my chances to ever serve God in this way? Did I piss off God? Would I never be allowed to come back to the church again? Would no one ever talk to me again like the members of my immediate family?
Jennifer in full damage control quickly ran over to me and filled the chalice with more wine so that I could continue my work . The woman smiled amused and forgiving and I solemnly I finished my chalice holder duties.
As I handed the cup back to Jennifer she looked at me with love not the disdain I expected and I realized that this really was the place where what I thought the idea of a loving family existed. This was where I was loved, and forgiven and where I belonged.
That night I prayed; Dear God, I'm so sorry I dumped your wine on a poor woman's blouse. Thank you for not letting Jennifer get pissed off. I promise I'll be more careful in the future.
I was especially jazzed because during the Christmas season known as Pentecost in my church things really get cooking. The church gets decorated, the choir starts to sing all kinds of Christmas songs, guest musicians play harps and horns. The atmosphere is festive as we all wait for the birth of Jesus.
The head priest Andrew makes a killer ham for coffee hour which becomes a plethora of tasty delights. If the angels had to pick a place they'd definitely hit here. It's also a time when I cry a lot during services. It's a time when I watch families coming to church together, sitting together, talking to together and I'm reminded of the cruelty of my own family and their desire to isolate me from the love that only a family can share.
I cry for myself and I also cry because I truly feel that this congregation has become my family. My new family is made up of Jennifer the gifted and hip female priest, Andrew the head enchilada, Horase the cannon (whose name is Mr White but who actually has very dark skin) ,and the regulars in the congregation who I've come to know and love. Th idea that there is actually a place for me blows my mind. With all the people and creatures that God tends in the world there is a place set apart just for me where I can pray and feel loved and be a part of something greater than myself.
This feeling alone has allowed me to overcome many of my issues of low self esteem cultivated by my biological family. Strangely, with all the therapy all the AA's and meds it's that feeling that God is my family that has given me pause before I take that first drink or smoke that first joint, or do that first line. I realized I used to prefer to alter my mind and my spirit but now that I can feel love again when I'm clean I do not feel a need to go to any other place then where I am.
Clearly, I was determined to attend this Sunday, but God had other plans for me. Little did I know that Christmas would come early for me...
Sunday morning came, my alarm sounded but I just couldn't raise myself and forgoing the tortuous snooze option I went back to bed. When I finally got up I realized that thanks to the progressive priesting of Jennifer, my church offered a Sunday service at 6:00 pm. It's called Sanctuary and we have a group of regular musicians, who play live music and help create a very hip environment in which to worship. After the service we have dinner together, talk, get to know one another. It's a cozy, intimate service which takes place in a small chapel, where the presence of the spirit is very strong.
At about 5:45, I made my way down the street. The chilly winter air kept at bay by my winter coast, mitts, hat and gloves I finally reached the church and opened the doors. Immediately Jennifer came up to me.
"I said", she began " that the next person through the door would help me"."Kay, we're having a baptism and I need your help".
Something in me stirred. I felt honored, proud, I was actually going to help in a sacred service. My help was being asked?
She brought me up to the baptismal cement vessel at the back of the church. She explained that this was the first baptism ever at Sanctuary and that there would be two children attending. I would be in charge of holding the book so she could read, I would then pass her the oil and then the candles during the service. The official church term for this job is acolyte.
After my brief instruction, I went to sit down to reflect on my new role when Jennifer called on me again. I was asked to by the chalice bearer. That's the term used for the person who holds the cup or chalice with the wine in it and offers it to the people after Jennifer gives then the cracker and says. "This is the blood of Christ the cup of Salvation". It was my job to guide the chalice to their lips, let them take a little sip, wipe the side of the cup and offer it to the next person. I could do that , simple right.
The baptism went smoothly but I stumbled when Jennifer asked..."Will you who witness these vows do all in your power to support these persons in their life in Christ?"
The congregation is supposed to answer "We will", but I faltered. I've been around a church enough to know now that some people come in for a baptism or a wedding or Christmas and never really come back or participate or get to know anyone. I had never met these parents of these children before and I questioned if I could really keep my promise to support them in their life with Christ if I never see them again? I figured I could promise to best of my ability but my promise felt weak.
The rest of the service was touching. The baby giggled as the water trickled down her face and her two year old brother ran drunkenly around the baptismal vessal. And there I was, me holding the book for Jennifer, handing her the oil and then the candles. I could barely hold back my tears. The idea that I not only belonged here but would asked to help in a service stuck a deep chord with me.
We retreated to the chapel where the Eucharist was to take place. This is the part where the priest takes these crackers that symbolize the boy of Christ and then they dip the cracker into the wine which symbolized the blood of Christ. It was my job to hold the chalice and utter the words. "This is the blood of Christ the body of salvation".
Over the two years I'd been with the church I'd heard those word before but I never spoke them and in fear I would forget I wrote down the phrase "this is the blood of Christ, the body of salvation."
Jennifer began to give our the crackers and I followed her. A member approached, I held the chalice in my right hand, an a little white cloth with which to wipe it in my left. I uttered the words and guided the chalice to the woman's lips. "Don't let go of the chalice'"Jennifer had told me and I grabbed on tight.
Such simple words such powerful meaning for me, my heart sung this was the greatest Christmas gift of all. Here I was found just two years ago, holding the sacred chalice and uttering sacred words, here I was helping to minister to the souls of others. Few moments could compete with those seconds in my life.
Another person approached. This time it was a woman dressed with white shirt and black pants. The grandmother of the kids being baptized.
I offered her the chalice and uttered the word. She grabbed the cup from me. I grabbed it back. She let go of the cup, and stood there waiting for me to tilt it and pour it into her mouth. Jennifer did not say anything about giving people a sip. They were supposed to bring the chalice to their lips. It said so, right in the manifesto. Guide chalice to lips.
It's not so easy to stand in front of a person with a big gold cup and tilt it forward away from myself and into their mouths so that they get a sip.
I tilted, she brought her head forward, I placed it in between her lips thinking she has way to much lipstick on. I tilted, I tilted again and then realized that there wasn't that much liquid in a really big cup I'd have to tilt some more. I tilted the cup parallel to her head. The wine poured out into her waiting mouth and all over her white blouse.
God must have been with me because the woman didn't notice she'd be taking the blood of Jesus back home with her that night. I tilted back, horrified. And uttered the words. "The blood of Christ the cup of salvation". Priests made this look way to easy.
The heel of my shoe caught on the steps of the alter leaving me teetering precariously between falling forward on the woman with the chalice in hand, or falling ass backwards into the pointsettas that covered the alter.
There I was balanced on my heel of my shoe on the tip of the step steadied only by the weight of the chalice that I clutched in my right hand. The last thing Jennifer said to me was," Don't let go of the chalice". I had therefore only one option. I would fall into the woman. I steadied my self looking the women straight in the eye. If she moved to the right or the left I'd tumble down the concrete steps. Would she catch me? My eyes widened the brief moment moving in slow motion she must have seen my fear, my teetering heel slipped, my left hand moved to grab the chalice. I accepted the fact I was going to fall but damn if that chalice was going to hit the floor.
The woman in front of me must have seen the fear in my eyes and she glanced down briefly at my feet she threw her arms out as I began to fall forward ,chalice and all. The wine defying gravity leapt out of the glass, the woman reached out to grab my shoulders . I clutched the chalice with two hands flinging myself, the chalice and the wine straight into her chest. Her once white blouse was now speckled red. There was a deafening silence. No one spoke a word as I stumbled back. Had they ever seen a chalice mishap before? The priests that do this at the regular service made it look much to easy. All the salt in the world was not going to get those wine stains off that blouse. Had I ruined my chances to ever serve God in this way? Did I piss off God? Would I never be allowed to come back to the church again? Would no one ever talk to me again like the members of my immediate family?
Jennifer in full damage control quickly ran over to me and filled the chalice with more wine so that I could continue my work . The woman smiled amused and forgiving and I solemnly I finished my chalice holder duties.
As I handed the cup back to Jennifer she looked at me with love not the disdain I expected and I realized that this really was the place where what I thought the idea of a loving family existed. This was where I was loved, and forgiven and where I belonged.
That night I prayed; Dear God, I'm so sorry I dumped your wine on a poor woman's blouse. Thank you for not letting Jennifer get pissed off. I promise I'll be more careful in the future.
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